The Identity Conversation
The Identity Conversation is an internal conversation and where you start. It questions three internal core identities:
- Am I Competent? What does this difficult conversation say about how competent I am?
- Am I a Good Person/Worthy? What does this difficult conversation say about who I am?
- Am I Acceptable/Likeable? What does this difficult conversation say about how likeable I am?
Three things to accept about yourself
♦ You will make mistakes. Do you hold yourself to an absolute all or nothing standard? What impact does that have on you? What was your family's attitude about mistakes? What is your department’s approach to mistakes?
♦ Your intentions are complex. Acknowledge to yourself when your intentions were self- motivated and not as “good” as you wished they were. Acknowledge to yourself the parts of your behavior that you did not like.
♦ You have contributed to the problem...You are not to blame AND you can take responsibility for how you have contributed to it. “Mess up. Fess up. Fix up.” We all make mistakes and we must be responsible to fix the mistake.
This leads to the : The Difficult Conversation
Read the other conversations: The What Happened? Conversation, the Feeling Conversation and the Difficult Conversation
Stone, Douglas; Patton, Bruce; Heen, Sheila. 1999. Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most. New York: Penguin Books.