The Feeling Conversation
The Feeling Conversation
What do we do with our emotions? Not expressing feelings is like getting the plot but missing the point. Feelings pop through and hijack the conversation. They keep us from listening and hearing.
- We translate our feelings into Judgments: “If you were a good co-worker/team member/partner you would have been there for me.
- We create attributions and Characterizations: “Why were you trying to make me look bad?... “You are just so inconsiderate”
- We Problem Solve: “The answer is for you to ....”
Solutions:
What judgments, attributions, and characterizations are you making in this difficult situation?
Finish the specific statements that you are thinking and feeling.
• Good employees... My ideal Partner......
• This employee is trying to make me look... My partner always....
• This employee is... My Partner is....
We all learn what feelings are okay to express from our family and our supervisor.
What feelings were okay for you to express in your family?
What feelings were avoided?
What feelings are okay for you to express at work in your department? What feelings are avoided?
List feeling words that are okay to express at work based on the five feeling areas...mad, sad, glad, scared, and hurt.
Think of difficult situations at work and list the feelings associated with the situation and list a feeling word that you would be willing to say.
Read the other conversations: The What Happened? Conversation, the Identity Conversation and the Difficult Conversation
Stone, Douglas; Patton, Bruce; Heen, Sheila. 1999. Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most. New York: Penguin Books.
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